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Lyrics I love and can relate to

None of the following lyrics are mine. They are just a collection of some of my favourite lyrics from my favourite songs that I can relate to.

“Nobody would believe the shit that happens inside my head, it’s haunted “ Nikki Sixx, The heroine diaries. What an album and book. A massive insight into addiction and fame.

“When my time comes forget the wrong that I’ve done help me leave behind some reasons to be missed” Linkin Park, Leave out all the rest. What a beautiful song. I believe (and it’s only my opinion) that the last linkin park album was Chester Benningtons suicide note. Obviously this song is not taken from that album, it’s just one of my favourites.

“And nothing lasts forever
For all good days it’s true
I’d rather tred it all
For somehow saving you
It must have been the season
That’ve threw us out of line
Once I stood so tall
Now I’m searching for a sign” Avenged Sevenfold, Victim. I’ve shared this before. I love this song, so moving. Its about the loss of their drummer.

“But it’s alright, yeah it’s alright, said it’s alright
Easy for you to say
Your heart has never been broken
Your pride has never been stolen
Not yet, not yet, one of these days
I bet your heart ‘ll be broken
I bet your pride ‘ll be stolen
I’ll bet, I’ll bet, I’ll bet, I’ll bet
One of these days, one of these days” Foo Fighters, These days. Just a beautiful moving song.

“I know we can’t all stay here forever So I want to write my words on the face of today and they’ll paint it” Blind melon, Change. Shannon hoon (lead singer) died of a cocaine overdose. I love the name Shannon for a boy. I wanted to call my son Curtis “Shannon”, but his mum wouldn’t let me. Probably for the best in hindsight.

“And every time I try to pick it up
Like falling sand
As fast as I pick it up
It runs away through my clutching hands
But there’s nothing else I can really do
There’s nothing else I can really do
There’s nothing else I can really do
At all” A letter to Elise, The cure. Both my ex wife and I loved this song (and still do). We had no doubt what to call our first daughter.

Last one for now…..

“She’s got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stare too long, I’d probably break down and cry” Sweet child ó mine, Guns n roses. This song never ages for me. When I hear it, it reminds me of my youngest daughter Lauren.

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Juggling and other youthful antics

I remember when I was a teenager showing my mum that I had learned how to juggle. I was very confident. She was in the kitchen at the time. I walked in, “mum, I have taught myself to juggle, watch this”. I proudly walked over to the ceramic chicken she had on her worktop that contained the eggs. Yes I was that confident, I was going to use eggs. I picked up three lovely fresh free range eggs and started my performance. I have absolutely no idea how, but I successfully managed to actually juggle them. I don’t know who was more shocked, mother or myself. Well I say mother was shocked, I think she was more relieved when I finally put the eggs down. The fun didn’t stop there though, oh no. I took a bow as my mum shouted, “Martin!!” (she often did). I turned to look at what she was shouting at, and we both stood there and watched all three eggs roll onto the floor. Oops. It made a, shall we say, slight mess. Sorry mum.

The the next incident again involved my mum, and also my dad this time. It was a Friday night I believe. I had been to the pub with some friends. When I got back to my parents house, I realised that I hadn’t got my keys. Bugger. I rang the doorbell several times, but they didn’t hear. I went to the front of the house and began to (gently) throw some very small stones at my parents window to try to wake them up to let me in. No good, now what? I had a plan. I walked around to the back of the house where my bedroom was and saw the window was slightly open. I fetched the wheelie bin and a piece of wood. I positioned the wheelie bin next to a drain pipe at the back of the house and placed the piece of wood on top of it. I climbed up onto the wheelie bin, and using the drain pipe for support, I managed to get on top of the piece of wood. From here I could reach the bottom of the window. I open it and somehow managed to pull myself up and into my bedroom. It was a good job my brother was out at the time because his bed was next to the window and I landed on it. I was so chuffed with my achievements, that I went and woke my parents up to tell them. They were not quite as chuffed.

One last little incident. This one actually wasn’t my fault. My brother and I shared a room when we were growing up. At this point we had bunk beds. I can’t remember how old I was, but I was definitely at primary school. I was not normally allowed to sleep in the top bunk because I was the youngest, however one night I finally got my chance. My brother had a friend coming to stay over and they were going to sleep in a tent in the back garden. The bed was mine. I was so pleased, I even went to bed early. However my night in the bed was short lived. I didn’t know that my brother and his friend had came in early from their camping expedition. His friend had claimed the bottom bunk and my brother slept on the floor. Disaster struck. I rolled over in my sleep and went straight over the side supports of the bunk. Please bare in mind that this was in the 70’s and manufacturing standards were not the same as they are today. I landed on my unsuspecting brother beneath me. As I landed we banged heads. I managed to put my tooth threw my lip. Blood everywhere. We both screamed.

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Yesterday…

Was quite possibly one of the worst days of my life.

It started off okay. I called into the motorcycle shop to look at a sports bike (not that I can afford it, but I have always wanted a fully faired bike). I was then invited to see my extended family for a socially distanced coffee.

As the time drew near to heading back home, the familiar feeling started to engulf me once again. The fog was clouding me yet again. I’ve had this feeling everyday for the past few weeks, only yesterday it was far more intense.

The drive home was horrible, although it was only around fifteen minutes, it seemed to take forever. Once I was at home I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I was exhausted and went to lay on my bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I got up and tried to play on my playstation, but I couldn’t concentrate. Every muscle in the top half of my body was tense. I had to keep reminding myself to relax. I had conversations spinning around inside my head. Some real, some I predicted to happen in the future. I just wanted to cry. I was so low. I kept questioning myself, why, what had happened yesterday to make me feel like that. The simple answer was nothing had happened.

I put on some relaxing music on my television and eventually managed to fall asleep on my sofa. I slept for just under three hours. When I woke up, I felt marginally better, but still tense and with thoughts churning around inside my head. I could understand it if something terrible had happened, but there was nothing.

The evening wasn’t great, still constantly reminding myself to relax my tense muscles. Fortunately I managed to fall asleep quite quickly when I went to bed.

Today is a new day. I will put a line under yesterday and try to move forward. I have a hypnotherapy appointment this morning at 09:30, hopefully that will help. I don’t want anymore days like yesterday. I just want to feel happy and relaxed.