Was quite possibly one of the worst days of my life.

It started off okay. I called into the motorcycle shop to look at a sports bike (not that I can afford it, but I have always wanted a fully faired bike). I was then invited to see my extended family for a socially distanced coffee.

As the time drew near to heading back home, the familiar feeling started to engulf me once again. The fog was clouding me yet again. I’ve had this feeling everyday for the past few weeks, only yesterday it was far more intense.

The drive home was horrible, although it was only around fifteen minutes, it seemed to take forever. Once I was at home I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I was exhausted and went to lay on my bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I got up and tried to play on my playstation, but I couldn’t concentrate. Every muscle in the top half of my body was tense. I had to keep reminding myself to relax. I had conversations spinning around inside my head. Some real, some I predicted to happen in the future. I just wanted to cry. I was so low. I kept questioning myself, why, what had happened yesterday to make me feel like that. The simple answer was nothing had happened.

I put on some relaxing music on my television and eventually managed to fall asleep on my sofa. I slept for just under three hours. When I woke up, I felt marginally better, but still tense and with thoughts churning around inside my head. I could understand it if something terrible had happened, but there was nothing.

The evening wasn’t great, still constantly reminding myself to relax my tense muscles. Fortunately I managed to fall asleep quite quickly when I went to bed.

Today is a new day. I will put a line under yesterday and try to move forward. I have a hypnotherapy appointment this morning at 09:30, hopefully that will help. I don’t want anymore days like yesterday. I just want to feel happy and relaxed.

By catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.

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