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Rock bottom

The good news now I have finally hit rock bottom is, there is only one way I can go and that is up. It is however a very dark scary place. To wake up everyday and be afraid of your own mind . To feel trapped, suffocated. Its not a place once I’m out, that I ever want to visit ever again.

I had a good catch up with my hypnotherapist yesterday morning which helped me to see things in a better light. He made a very important point, and that is the only person that can get myself better is me. He has given me all the tools I need. I now have to put them all into practice. Alongside this the reduction in my medication the fog should start to lift  from my mind.

I spent most of yesterday in bed. I slept for hours. It was the most peaceful sleep I have had for days. I also managed to sleep the whole night through.

I just want to be able to concentrate on one thing, to be able to focus. I haven’t even been able to watch anything on television and take it in.

I am going to beat this.

I ruled the world
With these hands I shook the heavens to the ground
I laid the gods to restI held the key to the kingdom
Lions guarding castle walls
Hail the king of deathThen I lost it all
Dead and broken my
Backs against the wall
Cut me, open IJust trying to breathe
Just trying to figure it out
Because I built these walls
To watch ’em crumble down
I saidThen I lost it all
Who can save me now?I stood above, another war
Another jewel above the crown
I was the fear of manBut I was blind
I couldn’t see
The world there right in front of me
But now I canYeahBecause I lost it all
Dead and broken my
Backs against the wall
Cut me, open IJust trying to breathe
Just trying to figure it out
Because I built these walls
To watch ’em crumble down
I saidThen I lost it all
Who can save me nowI believe that we all fall down
Sometimes, oh
Can’t you see (can’t you see)
That we all fall down
Sometimes, ohOh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeahI believe that we all fall down
Sometimes, ohh (can’t you see), yeah
Can’t you see
That we all fall down
Sometimes, oh, yeahI believe that we all fall down
Sometimes, yeah

The above is “lost it all” by the “black veil brides” I find it very fitting

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Weird phenomenon

Just a couple of things for now…….

Let’s start with the light inside the fridge. Now, does it actually go off when you close the door?  Everything points to the fact that yes it does go out. You can press the switch yourself and it goes out, you can watch through the tiny crack in the door as you are closing it, and it goes out. I’m not convinced though. How do we actually know that it doesn’t come back on? How do we know that something inside the fridge doesn’t get up and turn it back on? Hadn’t thought of that had you? Take a tomato for instance. There it was, happily growing in its growbag, being watered, fed and sunbathing everyday. And then wham, pulled from its life source, dragged to a factory, shoved in a bag and taken to a shop to be sold. Then some random buys it, takes it home and puts it in a cold, dark (who knows) fridge to wait for its death in a sandwich. If i was that tomato, I’d definitely get up and turn the light on.

Next up is the thermos flask. Quite a simple thing really, but at the same time it confuses me (doesn’t take a lot I know). So, you put nice hot coffee in your flask first thing in the morning and hours later when you go to drink it, it’s still hot, marvellous. Alternatively, you put a nice cold drink of your choice in and hours later when you go to drink it, its still cold, perfect. So why do if find this so confusing? Well, how the hell does the flask distinguish between hot and cold?? Very clever.