Song of the day

This is snuff by slipknot. Beautiful song, beautiful lyrics. I relate to this today.

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage againSo if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can’t destroy what isn’t thereDeliver me into my fate
If I’m alone I cannot hate
I don’t deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never knowI still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn’t face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fightSo save your breath, I will not care
I think I made it very clear
You couldn’t hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?I only wish you weren’t my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you goSo break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourselfAnd I won’t listen to your shame
You ran away, you’re all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don’t ever let me know
If you still care don’t ever let me knowSource: LyricFindSongwriters: Christopher Fehn / Corey Taylor / Craig Jones / James Root / Michael Crahan / Mickael Thomson / Nathan Jordison / Paul Gray / Sidney WilsonSnuff lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC



So as I said before when I was ill last time I spent hours in nutshells tea room reading endless books. It was part of my recovery and therapy. I can’t do that currently, but yesterday I had the best therapy session ever. It was a dream come true. Obviously because it was me, it wasn’t straightforward.

I got the chance to ride the bike of my dreams. A yamaha R1!!! This is an absolute beast of a machine more suited to the race track rather than the road (in my opinion). Now I’m far to old to be able to throw my leg over and cling onto one of these for to long, but an hour test ride was amazing.

It all started off so well. I put on my leathers and went to mototechniks on my current bike. I met Neil there (salesman and friend). I filled out all the necessary paperwork, insurance forms, life insurance, apology letter to the authorities, letters to anyone that knows me, my funeral plan etc. All just incase. The trade plate was attached to the bike and off I went. All good so far. For those that don’t know a trade plate is used by bike, car and lorry dealers to show the vehicle is taxed by them to be used for test ride/drives. It fits over the number plate.

I did briefly stop to show my friend and my brother/sister in law before going off for the proper test ride. Riding through town and at slow speed was painful on my wrists, but at speed it was far more comfortable. I went along some lovely twisty roads and along the A14. I loved it. It was fast, very fast. Obviously I stuck to all the speed limits officer. So far so good still.

On returning to the bike shop, I went in to speak to Neil. He looked relieved to see me and the bike were still in one piece. The first question he asked was “how did you get on?”. Before I could answer, his second question came “where is the trade plate?”……… bugger, it must have fallen off somewhere on route.

Without hesitation I jumped onto my bike to retrace my route and hopefully find it. I rode slowly round, but couldn’t see it anywhere. I went back to the shop to rest for a while. This was the most physical activity I had done in weeks.

I set off for the second time, determined to find it. As I rode along the A140, I thought I saw it on the embankment. So I pulled over at the next safe place. This happened to be a farm driveway. I stopped my bike and got off. As I stepped back, I disappeared. What I didn’t see was the bramble filled ditch, but don’t worry, I found it easily. There I was up to my waist in a ditch and panicking to get out before anyone saw me. I’m so glad I had my full gear on including a black visor so if anyone did see, they hopefully wouldn’t recognise me. To make things worse after a quarter mile walk to look at what I thought was the trade plate, it turned out to just be a piece of plastic!! At least I tried.

I returned to the shop, battled scared and embarrassed. I felt bad for the plate coming off. As I have said before, everyone is amazing at mototechniks cannot thank them enough for letting me take the bike out. Sorry about the trade plate! This bike and many other new and used bikes are available at the shop.

Apart from the incidents, it really helped to lift my mood yesterday if only for a short while. I will push myself to go out more and reconnect with the world.

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Just a quick one

I just want to thank some very important people in my life. This is not about my amazing family (sorry), just some close friends.

Firstly I want to thank a man that I hadn’t seen or spoken to in over 20 years. An old school friend right through primary school and high school. As so often happens in life we drifted apart and lost touch. However as soon as he heard about my blog and the fact that I am as good with WordPress as I would be trying to live under water, he came to my help. This is the man that has set up my page for me and replies to my countless emails asking for help. So, thank you so much David, without you this site wouldn’t exist.

Next I want to thank a very special lady. This lady designed the site logo for me. She calls me everyday to see how I am no matter what is going on in her own life. She feeds me constantly (before lockdown at her house and now with food parcels). She is so lovely I refer to her as my adopted mum. Thank you Lynn. Any chance of a tin refill ? While mentioning Lynn, I can’t leave out her legend of a husband Pete. It’s his fault that I go back into biking (thank you).

Mason and Maxine, what can I say apart from thank you. Phone calls and messages of support everyday. I met Mason (Paul) on my first day at primary school and we have stayed best friends ever since. Also worthy of a mention is their lovely daughter Rubi-may, the queen of crochet. She is currently making me a nine lives crocheted cat (thank you).

Quick mention for my friend Gerry. I hadn’t seen him for years, but as soon as he knew I needed help, he was there. As soon as we can, we will go out on the bikes mate.

No person is more important than any other on the planet, we are all equals, with the exception of this one particular person. This girl is the most selfless person I have ever met. She is the one constant that I have in my life. She listens to me for hours on end both when I’m happy and sad. She doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, but she is blatantly honest with me. We have had some very interesting shall we say, times together. She is the closest I will ever have to a sister and I call her my sister. I have keys to her house and I know I am welcome anytime. She has stuck with me through thick and thin and I know she will be with me until the very end. I am so happy that she has the most amazing and loveable boyfriend called Rafa (also a very good friend of mine). They are the perfect couple. So, Bec, Rebecca, auntie Beccle, thank you. I love you more than you will ever know.

Last quick mention is for my old mate Shaun. Another legend and landlord of the best pub in all of Elmsett. This man (and his family) has always been here for me. Thank you.