Deezer on random

So, I started with my favourite song at the moment which is black by pearl jam ” I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life
I know you’ll be a star in somebody else’s sky, but why
Why, why can’t it be, oh can’t it be mine?” It then went on to……

Better man by pearl jam “She lies and says she’s in love with him, can’t find a better man
She dreams in colour, she dreams in red, can’t find a better man
Can’t find a better man
Can’t find a better man

Kimgs and queens by thirty seconds to mars “The age of man is over
A darkness comes at dawn ”

Bed of roses by bon jovi “well, this hotel bar’s hangover whiskey’s gone dry
The barkeeper’s wig’s crooked
And she’s giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
But I laughed so hard I think I died, ooh yeah”

My generation by limp bizkit “maybe I’m the one who flew over the cuckoo’s nest”

Like a stone by audioslave “And all that i’ve wronged
In dreams until my death
I will wander on”

One by creed “I feel angry, I feel helpless
Want to change the world, yeah
I feel violent, I feel alone
Don’t try and change my mind, no”

Victim by avenged sevenfold ” some days you’ll find me
In a place I like to go
Ask questions to myself
‘Bout the things I’ll never know”

Show me how to live by audioslave ” Nail in my head, from my creator
You gave me life, now show me how to live
Nail in my head, from my creator
You gave me life, now show me how to live”

Its been a while by staind ” and everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I’ve rendered
Have gone and fucked things up again

Hurt written by trent reznor, covered by Johnny cash “What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end”

Take me home country roads, by john denver ” Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye”

Permission written by Nikki Sixx (a man that has died more times than I have) ” Well, I close my eyes
Remove each piece of armor one by one
Inhale this moment deep into my lungs
Make amends for all I’ve done”

Last one. Had to be!!!!

Life after death by Sixx A.M ” This is, without a doubt
My life after death”

mental health

My diagnosis

So here is apparently what is wrong with me and how it affects my daily life.

I have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist and told the following. I have borderline personalty disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and clinical depression. Apart from the above, I have and underactive thyroid and Pernicious anemia, both of which have big effect on mental health.

Borderline personality disorder is a condition that affects how you think, feel and interact with other people. Symptoms of borderline personality include being emotionally unstable, having upsetting thoughts and acting without thinking. The main treatment for borderline personality disorder is a type of talking therapy called psychotherapy. The cause of borderline personality disorder is unclear. It’s been linked to traumatic events during childhood, such as neglect or abuse. Basically, I don’t see and react to people and situations in the same way as most people. Things easily get blown out of all proportion. Its horrible.

Generalised anxiety disorder is where you feel anxious most of the time. Symptoms of generalised anxiety disorder vary from person to person, but include constant worrying, a sense of dread and difficulty concentrating.Things like exercising more and drinking less alcohol can help with generalised anxiety disorder. Treatments include talking therapies and medicines. This can literally consume me. I hide it very well by laughing and joking all the time.

Clinical depression is the more-severe form of depression, also known as major depression or major depressive disorder. It isn’t the same as depression caused by a loss, such as the death of a loved one, or a medical condition, such as a thyroid disorder. The feeling of low mood and helplessness can last for months on end. It’s horrible.

An underactive thyroid gland (hypothyroidism) is where your thyroid gland does not produce enough hormones. Common signs of an underactive thyroid are tiredness, weight gain and feeling depressed. One bonus is medical exemption (free prescriptions).

Last but not least is my old friend Pernicious anemia. This is a chronic form of low B12 that can have serious consequences on health if left untreated long-term. However, because symptoms of the condition typically look like other common conditions, it’s often misdiagnosed as depression or anxiety. So not actually linked to anxiety/depression, but presenting similar symptoms.

In summary, I’m fighting an up hill battle. I know there are people far worse off than myself, but I wanted to give you all a little insight.

If you like what you have read, please like, share and follow. Stay positive. Martin.